Sometimes in life, we do not get to decide what life throws at us. In fact, most times we don’t get to choose. Things just happen and we are left hanging. We discover we don’t have control but then again, there are some of us who are warriors. They fight to the last when a challenge shows. Yet there are others amongst us who prefer to just laqy back and watch. Allowing nature or fate as it pleases, to take its course.
Life will pull you down. Sometimes, over and over again so much so that you begin to wonder if the heavens are trying to punish you for a wrong you did. Or maybe for failing to right a wrong.
At times like this, the word is “grieve”. Mourn, weep or wail whichever makes you feel better.
Truth is, sometimes you are all the motivation you need. If you are lucky enough, you may have people around who give you encouraging words overtime. But in actual fact, no one can ever get you like you. You just have to reach in. Dig deep. Meditate and concentrate on every fiber that
makes you, you. Allow yourself into the deepest part of yourself. Just like you would for a lover. Then pull out the bright shining star in you. The glow could be dull I know but it would shine
better when you allow it claim your darkness. Like a light you get to feel the happiness of emptiness in you. You get to make your star shine for the world to see.
This might not make much of a sense but I hope you get the drift. So for every soul who’s been
dragged by life, pulled down by sorrow and drowned in depression, it’s time darling. You’ve got
to come out of your shell and be that happy person I believe you are. Life is too short for broods
or regrets. It’s too damn short so make it count when you have it.
Hello friends, I promised to be back for the concluding part of my last post, so here I am. Doing a brief recap, we were discussing what love feels like to a large percentage of us. Not to mention that some questions were left unanswered. So here goes…
What happens when the next love doesn’t perform up to expectation? Or the person also hurts you all over? Or you just don’t feel the love? Well, like I said in the previous post, we all differ. So while some people can manage with “liking” someone with the belief that with time they’ll get to love the person, others don’t just want to manage. They just want someone almost perfect. We all know there’s no Mr/Miss Perfect anywhere. But you see, we forget that relationships come with compromises and adjustments. That I hate carrot doesn’t mean I’ve got to make my man hate it. Rather, we could just decide to work something out so both parties are happy. The thing is, the true concept of happiness sometimes is in making others happy and experiencing the feeling of fulfillment in that.
So, if it happens the other person fails in making you happy and you feel it can’t work, then it’s high time you took a walk. Don’t get me wrong. Patience is one virtue only the strong possess. So, try your humanely best to make things work. But when the handwriting is crystal clear, then my dear save everyone the stress of “finding the right words or perfect time” and just leave.
My belief is, there’s someone for everyone and so, that the previous relationships didn’t work out doesn’t say you should give up on love. Come on, free your spirit and enjoy life’s beautiful wonders. And trust me, just when you give up, cupid shoots his arrow of your love into someone’s heart. You are meant to love and be loved again. Till next time friends,
I grew up to be a woman who always enjoyed straying from home, not spending enough time with family and basically just craved a life full of adventures.
I grew up always finding excuses and reasons to be away from home and it felt okay. I mean, that’s who I was, I argued when my mum would be angry that I came home to spend 2/3 days at home during school breaks.
I lost them both in 2015 and four years down the line, I honestly felt I had grown used to the feeling of being without parents. I went from one job to another, one state to another, one relationship to another and I never felt the deep sense of loss I feel now.
Today, I am in a new relationship. One that is looking like it’s likely to be my last and I want more than anything to talk to my mum and dad about my feelings, fears and insecurity. I searched deeply inside of me to see if I could find someone in my extended family who can actually try to step into their shoes and serve as the guide and confidant I so need right now but there is none.
I have never missed them as much as I do right now. If only there was a passage to the after-life for me to have a day conversation with them. There are so many questions I want to ask. So many stories I want to know. So many advice I wish they would be here to give me.
I prayed hard over the night wishing they would even come to me in my dream but zilch! I honestly don’t know what to do with the hole in my heart. I don’t know how to fill the void in my soul. I have no idea how to silence the voices in my head. But I do know, this pain, I pray for no one. This ache, I wish on no one.
If you are reading this and you are lucky to have one or both of your parents alive, do yourself a favor and show them all the love you can. You don’t know what tomorrow holds. I am here wishing I had spent more days at home. I am here wishing I didn’t miss any of their calls. I am here wishing I had my parental love and care because sincerely, nothing beats the warmth of a mother’s love and the strength of a father’s care.
I was bored earlier today and decided to go through my phone and delete junk files. I started with my screenshots folder and then moved to my WhatsApp images and then navigated through Camera pictures and videos.
As I was deleting files that are of no use to me anymore, I had a go down memory lane. There were so many pictures and videos of me with different people. Some, we still talk and relate well. Others, we’ve either drifted apart or don’t even talk at all.
While I own up to the fact that I am a horrible friend simply because I am terrible at keeping in touch, I also realized that these people served some purposes in my life and me in theirs as at the time we were buddies. We contributed to each other’s lives and while our contributions may not be too significant, it is enough for me to be able to say “I am thankful our paths crossed”.
Through our pictures then and images of each of our lives now, all I see is growth. We all have grown. We all have reprioritized. We all have become a better version of who we were all those years ago.
Do I miss them? I miss all of them even the ones who I am no longer friends with. I had beautiful moments with these people but I also know enough to know everyone can not be in my life forever. But I do hope that as we all journey through life, we all excel and remember one another for good. I wish all my ex friends the very best in their respective lives. One day soon maybe, we will all laugh about events and memories and be merry again.
What did my gallery teach me? My gallery taught me to appreciate every moment with each of my loved ones. My gallery taught me to capture as many moments as I can because you never know which will turn out important. My gallery taught me to also have a good memory card so I can have beautiful memories for a long time. My gallery also taught me to try so hard to not lose my phone.
Have you ever had a moment like this? Share with me. I’ll love to read.
Today, 14th of August, 2019 started as every other day. I woke up to pray, checked my phones for messages and found something to eat. Oh yeah, I saw Miss Congeniality again. Yelp I love Sandra Bullock.
I didn’t sleep in my parents’ home so I planned to return home today. I left my guardians’ place and took a detour on my way home. I went my friend’s place and we had about 3 to 4 hours of undiluted fun, gist and catching up. It was beautiful.
I was on my way home and made a decided to take the water route. If you know me or have been following my blog for a while, you would know that the said water claimed my parents’ lives back in February 10, 2015. I had been considering going back to take that route considering it’s the fastest way to get out of my area plus the road is bad anyway. So here I was, at Eleyele River about to take the water for the first time in 4 years and I honestly was nostalgic.
Images of the days when I saw my mum’s corpse by the river and watched as they carried my dad’s a couple of days later were in my head. There were quite a number of people at the river bank and I could feel a couple of prying eyes. Maybe waiting to see if I would break down and cry or if I would change my mind. Shocker! I did none. I wore a smile and was really excited.
The boat came and it was an amazing 8 minutes ride. I got to watch the sun set over the water and I tell you, it was really beautiful. I remembered days of buying fish from the fishermen and then worrying about the long process of descaling the fish. Fun fact, it’s not easy to descale and fry Tilapia fish. It’s hard work I tell you. I remembered days when a farmer’s dog will swim across behind the canoe. I remembered days when Hausa men will come take a dive and we’ll watch with glee. Not to mention days when we’d have foreigners come watch the wonders of the Eleyele River.
Too many memories. All were pleasant actually save for the tragic and unexplainable demise of 5 people in 2015 including my folks. But it’s been 4 years and a lot has changed. The boats are bigger and mechanically operated for one. Passengers now use life jackets too. Not to mention there are planks in the shallow parts to allow people walk in the boat as against days of removing our shoes and folding up our dresses. I loved the view today. How did I feel? I honestly felt more thankful than sad. We all are here for a purpose and we all will die one way or the other. I figure my parents have done their bits and the fact that they drowned doesn’t mean I will too. Check out the pictures and videos I took while on the water. Safe to say I faced and conquered a fear and I’m super glad I did. What is your greatest fear? Have you tried facing it? How did it go? Please comment and share your experience. I’ll be reading.
One of the many reasons I enjoy taking the bus in Lagos is the never-ending drama that comes with travelling with 15 or more total strangers. You basically will either learn or be entertained. Sometimes, it could even be both.
So this day, I was with my bestie heading to Surulere for her recently concluded Eid Yard Sale (you should totally check this out on Instagram. It was drizzling, it was a fairly cold weather. Buses seemed to be at war with the people of Lagos because they were scarce. Yeah, it happens like that sometimes.
Anyway, we got a bus and took our seats in the row right behind the driver. Fun fact, I love sitting in the passenger’s seat beside the driver. I’m sure I am not the only one who feels so. I digressed.
Back to the story, this gentleman was going to alight at a bus stop called Palm groove, and the conductor was meant to give him a balance of 100 naira and that’s when the unexpected happened.
The conductor told the man he didn’t have change after the gentleman had alighted and instead of looking for change or sourcing for another solution, the driver hit the accelerator and before we knew it, we were on motion.
Naturally, the guy held on to the bus and ran with us for a while asking for his change. What irked me was the fact that neither the driver nor the conductor cared about him. As expected, he couldn’t run as far as the bus and thus painfully lost his change.
I was mad and so were the other passengers. A bunch of us expressed our dissatisfaction but they honestly wouldn’t care less. I think I’m still angry as I type this.
Anyway, it’s not fair that they are quick to collect their fare from passengers but would pull tricks when it’s time to give passengers their balance.
Do you have an experience like this or something similar? Share in the comment section below. I’d love to read.
Pretty much everyone in Lagos agrees that this city is a jungle. It is basically a survival of the fittest kind of place. Safe to say once you have successfully hustled and survived in Lagos, you are guaranteed a tough skin and high survival skills anywhere in the world.
The struggle is real people. Coming from a place where we barely have traffic and the environment is mostly serene, Lagos has been very tough on me. Oh! You thought I was born here too? Not at all. I am from the third most populous city in Nigeria, Ibadan. Born, bred and nurtured in this city does not exactly prepare you for the jungle of a city called Lagos. While Ibadan is large, the people still somehow all connect. Our environments are exactly the neatest but you can be guaranteed of a community child care system. We are known to be very abusive but hey, we are good people with good hearts at the end of the day.
So I left my dearest city in search of greener pasture. You cannot blame me. Not when it seems like all the big companies are in Lagos. The cinemas, the beaches, the parties, the workshops… it’s almost as if the only place you can live hard and right at the same time is Lagos. Being an unconventional woman myself, I wanted to test the waters. And so, my voyage began.
The very first thing I learnt as soon as I got to Lagos is; you’ve got to be very smart. And I’m not talking about book or school kind of smart here. No, you have to be street smart. It basically means even if you deck your face in the most expensive makeup brands and wear heels like you work in a bank, keep your Queen’s English when dealing with commercial bus drivers. Those people and their conductors will finish you with Yoruba and/or pidgin ehn… so the best thing is for you to learn the street languages aka Yoruba and pidgin.
Second, be ready for some tug of war every day. Lagos isn’t your regular car park where you just wait your turn. Believe me, you are going to be waiting for a long time if you decide to just be calm. Why you ask? Because tens and hundreds of people are trying to get to their destinations at the same time as you. What that means is that it is only the quickest and strongest that get to board the buses early enough in order to beat traffic. Hmm! Traffic…
Everywhere is far in Lagos because there is traffic everywhere. I mean, a friend of mine spent over 4 hours trying to get from one end of Lagos to another. Time that will take me to my house in Ibadan and back again o. Traffic that will cause you to park your car, turn off your AC, roll down your window and chat with fellow drivers. No exaggeration, I’m almost positive there are a good number of relationship that started in Lagos traffic. Worst of it all, is the fact that by the time the road is free, you are wondering what in heaven’s caused the whole delay in the first instance. Me, I have concluded that we have impatient and reckless drivers more than we have bad roads. Hence, all day every day, some drivers decide to waste their time alongside others in unnecessary battle of road supremacy. So my third lesson is, always consider traffic when keeping up with appointments.
The final lesson I will share today before my boss comes in and decides to sack me, is that for your own sake, always have change for bus drivers. You want to avoid unnecessary insults and bad eyes, always keep change in your purse for transport purposes. If you don’t, you run one of these risks;1. Your bus conductor will not give you back your change on time and you may forget.2. He will simply find you a partner in change and leave you two or three to haggle. A lot of times, I lose when this happens.3. You may be given some rough and dirty Nigerian currencies that you honestly would wish you could just let go of it all.
So in order to keep your sanity, always have change for transport.
What’s your experience like in Lagos? I’d love to read about them.
I had a discussion with some friends the other day and we could not help but agree on some points, one of which is that Nigerian parents do not give room for creativity and talents nurturing.
In a typical Nigerian home, there is a huge likelihood that your career and interests have been picked for you from cradle. Your parents have most likely decided what you were going to study in the University and what your choice of career has to be.
For me, it was either science or commercial class. I was meant to either be a medical doctor or be a chartered accountant like my father’s close friend. They were so bent on me doing one of those that my teachers and school proprietress were involved in the guidance and counseling sessions on how I was going to waste my mathematics brain in an Art class. Being the stubborn human being that I am, I was not to be threatened or cajoled. I had my way and proceeded to do Literature and Government. As you will probably have guessed, my father was not pleased with it. I think he only forgave me because I got an A in literature and became the best Arts student for 3 years in a row.
My brother unfortunately was not lucky. Dude started with Arts like his sister but they were quick to lecture him on the many opportunities that would come if he studied science. I’m ashamed to say I partook in this career session. I mean, I couldn’t stand another 3 years of blame for not using the laboratory even though the school fees included laboratory fee.
Thankfully, I gained admission into the University to study a course I love(d). Yeah, I have still not decided if I still love it. My brother on the other hand, well, he is studying a course the institution gave him. But I think he is enjoying it now.
The reason for my story is so we do better with our kids than our parents did with us. I do not deny that they had our best interestsat heart, but instead of being focused on what the neighbors would call you (iya doctor); focus more on traits, interests, talents and characters of your child. There are way more professions in the world today than Medicine, Law and Accounting.
How was growing up like for you? Share your story with me. Let’s get to know one another.